The Not So Empty Nest

Recently, since sending our youngest son to college, many conversations with friends and family have focused around the fact that my husband and I are now empty-nesters. It has been interesting for me to hear the varying opinions on this stage in life. Many of those I spoke with take a position of relief mixed with celebration. It's almost as if they are letting out a deep breath and saying "finally, now we can get on with the rest of our life!"  Others seem extremely sad and even a bit lost.  The uncertainty can be heard in their words and seen on their faces, as they seem to be saying "what will I do with the rest of my life?" My husband and I fall into the category similar to the majority, somewhere in between.

Family Vacation 2006

I can relate, in part to every opinion shared by the parents I've spoken to. Most of us have spent significant portions of our lives so far raising kids and as we all know, parenting can be a grind, even in the best of circumstances.  So I understand those who are turning the page with anticipation of what their next chapter holds. However, while I agree our goal may be to prepare them for a life away from us, I don't believe they are meant to live life without us.

For those on the other side, those who are really struggling, I am with you too. The destination that has taken 18 years to reach, suddenly seems to come to an abrupt end.  Our houses are suddenly quiet, our refrigerators stay full and our calendars are open. As parents we build our lives and our identity around being someone's mom or dad. They are an extension of us. That is how it should be, for a season. When we have done our job and they are ready to go, we need to let them. We need to find new interests or go back to something you have not had time for. Reconnect with friends, stay connected to those fellow parents who became friends and spend more time with your spouse. As you find your way as an empty-nester, remember nothing will diminish your identity or your value as a parent. You will always be called Mom or Dad, it just may be over text, Snap Chat or a phone call instead of in person like we'd prefer.

Truthfully, I am not a big fan of the term "empty nest", after all most young birds that leave their nests never come back. Luckily for us that has not been the case. Our boys both attend colleges close to us, allowing them the opportunity to come home and for us to visit there. We make the most of the time we have together and stay connected in other ways in between face to face visits.

Some days are still hard and at times the void I am left with when they are gone, even temporarily,  takes my breath away.  I've learned that for me, it's not about missing who they were or the life we had when they were little.  It's more about missing who they are now.  They are funny, talented, kind, smart and interesting people. People I'd choose to be around even if I wasn't their mom. I simply miss their presence around me.

Ultimately, I've come to realize in the midst of all the change, the nest isn't really empty at all.  The memories we've made, the lessons we've learned and taught, the relationships we've built and the love that we share continue to fill it everyday.

College Football Games