Learning Their Language

I grew up in a family dominated by girls and girlie things. My sisters, cousins, and I were very close and we spent a lot of time together. We played house and dress up. My mom owned a beauty salon for most of my life, so we had fun doing each others hair, nails and make up. I did not play sports, I was a dancer and a Girl Scout. We watched musicals and soaps, cooked, went shopping and had late night talks about nothing at all.  I was around boys of course, but in my daily life I was surrounded by females. 

Now my family is dominated by men and manly things. I quickly learned that boys are different! They play rough. They are loud. They love sports, action movies and dirt. They consider bathing optional, until around age 13. They would rather eat than shop. They would rather eat than cook.  They would rather eat than do just about anything! Conversations are meaningful, but brief. The less words the better.

So, with this realization I made a decision. I needed some help! I wanted to be able to communicate with my boys and my husband in a way that made sense to them. I wanted to understand them and be able to connect with them the way I had with my family growing up. I started by reading Dr. James Dobson's book Bringing up Boys.  It is full of great information and I keep it as a resource to this day. This is only one of many great books out there written to about raising boys.    

 As I went to work on the "how" of communicating, I was lacking in the "what" to communicate. I had very little in common with these little men.  So I began to engage in their world. I learned the names of Super Heroes and their powers. I listened as my youngest named off types of fire trucks and what equipment they carried. I even learned how to read Lego directions. I began tuned in to sports radio and watched ESPN. I started to speak their language.

I am still not fluent in their language.  I don't always get their humor, their reasoning or methods of getting things done, but that's OK. My goal is to understand them better, not change who they are. Instead, I have modified how I relate to them. I ask questions when more details are needed and I am specific when I asking them to do something. This method is not without challenges, but it works well most of the time.
Through this process we have developed shared interests as a family and that has made the communication easier. I would encourage any parent to do the same thing...mom's of boys especially. Because when your son wants to tell you all about the way he struck out their best hitter with a sick cutter or a two seam fastball on the outer half, you will want to know what he's talking about.