Don't be THAT parent

We are less than a month into our baseball season and already we have encountered "That Parent". You know the one. They stand right behind home plate arguing balls and strikes. They yell at other players when errors are made. They coach from the stands, at the fence and outside of the dugout, using a Gator-Aide delivery as an excuse to be there. They make games uncomfortable for the other parents and fans, not to mention their own child.

Sports of all kinds can be a great way for kids to learn skills that will carry over to everyday life.  They learn cooperation, work ethic, perseverance and failure. Baseball especially is a game of failure, and often times the success or failure is determined by someone else. The runner feels he beats a throw to first, but is called out. The batter thought a pitch should have been ball four outside, but instead it's a called strike three. These are judgment calls by the umpire. Sometimes however there is no judgment involved, just bad luck. A ball that is hit to the fence in center field is caught just because the center fielder happened to be in the right place at the right time. It happens. And when it does it can be hard to deal with. Especially if the player has a parent like the one mentioned above.

As parents, I feel we need to be careful how we approach our children's success and failure in whatever they do.In the book,  Keepers of the Sandlot the author Bill Severns talks about the need for parents to release their kids to the game. He writes "Release your kids from pressure. Release your kids from unrealistic expectations. Release your kids from fear of failure. Release your kids from the constant harassment to exceed and always win at all cost. Release your kids to play the game. Release them when they are ready to fly. Release them confident." Our boys have had great coaches and teammates throughout their time playing baseball. This has helped us to be able to release them to be coached with out us interfering. We feel like our roll is to be their biggest fans and encouragers. If they want or need coaching and advice from us, we do that after the game, at home, when they are ready to accept it.

Bill Severns writes about his as well. His words are written below and are such a great reminder of the power we have as parents.  Our kids need to know that we love them regardless of how the stat book or score board reads. Don't be "That Parent". This season is short, don't waste it.

Don't make the mistake of being a critic on the ride home, stewing over a loss or making too much of a victory. This is the time to let your kid know how great they are, regardless of the way they played. That they're valuable to you, and that you're glad they're your kid. It's a time of encouragement. A time to soak in your kid's kid-ness. I've said it all throughout this book, the time goes by too, too quickly to make it anything but fun. Your kids will figure out life along the way. They'll figure our the fundamentals of the game. 

And one day, you'll drop that kid off somewhere- college, most likely- and then you'll ride home by yourself.  And you'll miss those rides home, and you'll either wish you'd made the most of them, or you'll be thankful that you used that time wisely.

Every message you send is received. Make the ride home the best part of the game.

Bill Severns, Keepers of the Sandlot

Learning Their Language

I grew up in a family dominated by girls and girlie things. My sisters, cousins, and I were very close and we spent a lot of time together. We played house and dress up. My mom owned a beauty salon for most of my life, so we had fun doing each others hair, nails and make up. I did not play sports, I was a dancer and a Girl Scout. We watched musicals and soaps, cooked, went shopping and had late night talks about nothing at all.  I was around boys of course, but in my daily life I was surrounded by females. 

Now my family is dominated by men and manly things. I quickly learned that boys are different! They play rough. They are loud. They love sports, action movies and dirt. They consider bathing optional, until around age 13. They would rather eat than shop. They would rather eat than cook.  They would rather eat than do just about anything! Conversations are meaningful, but brief. The less words the better.

So, with this realization I made a decision. I needed some help! I wanted to be able to communicate with my boys and my husband in a way that made sense to them. I wanted to understand them and be able to connect with them the way I had with my family growing up. I started by reading Dr. James Dobson's book Bringing up Boys.  It is full of great information and I keep it as a resource to this day. This is only one of many great books out there written to about raising boys.    

 As I went to work on the "how" of communicating, I was lacking in the "what" to communicate. I had very little in common with these little men.  So I began to engage in their world. I learned the names of Super Heroes and their powers. I listened as my youngest named off types of fire trucks and what equipment they carried. I even learned how to read Lego directions. I began tuned in to sports radio and watched ESPN. I started to speak their language.

I am still not fluent in their language.  I don't always get their humor, their reasoning or methods of getting things done, but that's OK. My goal is to understand them better, not change who they are. Instead, I have modified how I relate to them. I ask questions when more details are needed and I am specific when I asking them to do something. This method is not without challenges, but it works well most of the time.
Through this process we have developed shared interests as a family and that has made the communication easier. I would encourage any parent to do the same thing...mom's of boys especially. Because when your son wants to tell you all about the way he struck out their best hitter with a sick cutter or a two seam fastball on the outer half, you will want to know what he's talking about.