These are, by far, some of the hardest words I have ever written. Yesterday marked two months since we said our final goodbye to my Mom after a hard-fought battle with lung cancer. There is so much I could say about her and the entire experience we have all just been through. As I write this, I am fully aware that, for once, no matter how hard I try, my words may fall short. Even so, I felt it was important to document this time in my life like I have many others, through writing.
My Mom often talked about writing a book about her life. She always felt that despite the challenges she had encountered along the way, her life had been extraordinary, and she was right. She wanted to make a more permanent record of that life, not only for herself but for all of us. I am sad she never got that accomplished. So while it won't be the book she dreamed of, I will try and tell her story in a way she would be proud of.
In many ways, my Mom's life should have turned out much different. Some people would say the odds were stacked against her. She had a loving family, but her father was an alcoholic, which lead to instability and loss of jobs. They had very little money, so she quit high school to get a job. She was married at 15 and a mother of twins by 16. She often said that her path was not one she would recommend, but for her, it worked. She was a success story because she wanted to be. She worked hard to improve herself and, in turn, created a better life for us than the one she'd been given. She got her G.E.D, put herself through cosmetology school, and eventually opened a salon of her own. For almost 20 years, "the shop" was a huge part of our lives. We spent evenings and summer days there. Her clients became friends, and some were even like family. She was not just a business owner in the community; she also joined the city's volunteer fire department as a firefighter/EMT. In 1999 after dealing with some life-changing medical issues, she was forced to retire. Giving up her business and the profession she loved was extremely hard for her, but what she missed the most was the people that came with it.
Being a successful business owner was not something my Mom dreamed of doing as a little girl. She often told us that what she wanted to grow up to be was a Mom. She believed that my sisters and I were a gift God had trusted her with. She never took that or the responsibility of raising us for granted. She was a Mama Bear, a bit overprotective, and always worried about us. She was strict but fair. She worked to give us everything we needed and some of what we wanted. She was not perfect, but her intentions were good, and she did her best. She loved us and was proud of us, and she made sure we knew it. My Mom saw little value in material belongings. She liked nice things, and a lot of them, but they were never expensive. But she loved giving gifts, especially to her grandkids. What she did value was her family. She was happiest when everyone crowded into the house for holidays or watching one of the grandkids play a game or participate in a show or concert. She would brag about them unapologetically. She was intentional about being present in their lives, and she made sure to tell them how special she thought they were.
I think there comes the point in our life when we begin to think about the end of it. What will we leave behind? What will my legacy be? I imagine this was true for my Mom as well. While I cannot remember her talking about it specifically, it was obvious what she considered her legacy to be....people. Whether it be family, long time friends, former clients, or perfect strangers, she loved people. She was a great friend, an encourager, and a good listener. She searched to find the good in people and connected with them on a deep level very quickly. We've heard stories from those who she touched in significant ways with a small gesture or an ordinary conversation. She was kind and brave, and loved by so many.
Losing her has left an enormous hole in our hearts, one that I am not sure will ever be completely full again. She was a presence in our daily lives and the centerpiece in so many of our memories. She will be missed in the small details and in the significant moments to come. Thankfully, she has left us with a strong family and her example of how to take care of each other. We have barely started down this new path without her. There are a lot of unknowns around the corner, but through every twist and turn, we will keep the promise we made her, to stick together no matter what.
Love You Lots Mom!
