Taking Time To Be Thankful

According the an article in the Washington Post, historians from the Plymouth Plantation, a living museum in Plymouth, Mass., believe that the first Thanksgiving feast was shared by the colonists and Wampanoag Indians. Basically, these people where strangers and Squanto, who had learned English, served as a translator or moderator between them. Sadly,  I suspect this scenario is still being played out around tables all over the country today.  

Families can be tricky and holidays have a way of bringing out the best and worst in them. Each person comes to the table, literally, with their own experiences, memories and perceptions. How one person sees their history, current place and situation in the family may drastically differ from the person sitting next to them. Being together may bring to the surface hard feelings and old wounds left unsettled.  Communication may seem forced to the point that you wish there was a Squanto in the group. 

Our "Friendsgiving" this year

Sometimes circumstance and loss are so painful that it is impossible to be together at all. In many of these cases friends take place of family. "Friendsgiving" is a new tradition started in the past few years, to either replace the traditional family gathering or add another layer to the celebration.

Personally, I prefer President George Washington's inspiration for Thanksgiving. In 1789 he named Thursday, Nov. 26 as a Thanksgiving Holiday, for that year only. This celebration had nothing to do with Pilgrims or Indians, instead it was to be a time for “public thanksgiving and prayer” devoted to “the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be.” I find it so interesting that all those years ago he knew, we as a people needed to be intentional and take a moment to recognize the good in our lives. President Lincoln saw the importance of this too and 1863 he deemed Thanksgiving an official holiday.

Meeks and Richards Families

I have the privilege of being invited to both tables. I have friends that are like family and a family that enjoys being around each other. I am grateful for the time to acknowledge all I have to be thankful for.

Holly Family ( a few years ago)

Regardless of what kind of table you will be gathered around today, I hope you find joy, laughter, acceptance, peace, love and something to be thankful for. 

The Tale of Our Two Seniors

Three years ago as our sons both began their Freshman year, the oldest in college and the youngest in high school, I wrote about what I hoped this next chapter of life would hold for them. Recently I went back and read those posts, reflecting on how far they've come and what we all have learned along the way.

Time has gone by quickly, they are now Seniors. Some of what I wrote in the earlier posts have changed, but so much of it has stayed the same.

In a The Tale of Two Freshman-Part 1, I wrote this about Owen.

"He is smart, inquisitive, creative, interesting, athletic, relational, kind hearted, witty and full of personality. Unfortunately most of those qualities are not things that are given a grade or a test score. He has a big voice, which can be a negative when talking in class, but when he sings it is a huge asset. He is a people person and can hold a conversation people of with all ages. We know that all of these things will serve him well in life even if they don't always do the same in the classroom."

"As we move into this next phase of Owen's education our goal as his parents is to find a balance between who he is and who he is expected to be. We will encourage him to take classes that feed his interests and fit his personality, as well as those that stretch him. We will be supportive of his teachers while at the same time encourage him to advocate for himself. We will focus on his strengths more than his challenges, and hope his teachers will do the same."

All of this is still true about Owen. By being involved in Choir and Theatre he has found a place where his strengths are recognized as such. His voice has matured and he has had wonderful opportunities in some amazing productions with more to come this year. He has found teachers that appreciate his ability to ask good questions and participate in meaningful conversations in their classrooms. Many teachers have been supportive, encouraging, open and flexible, which has allowed him to learn how to advocate for himself better. Thanks to them, he has regained confidence in his academic abilities. There have been struggles as well, but we have tried to find the lessons in all of them. He is involved in activities that require a lot of him. He is working hard to meet expectations while learning to communicate well and balance it all. He has grown and matured into a fine young man that we are so proud of.

About Kellan in the Tale of Two Freshman Part 2, I wrote this.

"This is about more than just baseball. It is about him finding his way in a world away from us. He's ready. He is smart, confident, grounded and a leader. He has a strong value system and his faith is a priority in his life. Without a doubt those things will guide him in a positive way going forward.

It is also as much about us finding our way with him away from us. He has a presence that is hard to describe. He loves life and it shows. His laugh is unmistakable and we will all miss hearing it fill the house. He is a thinker and a talker and I will miss our late night talks about baseball and other random subjects. But, his absence will make us more appreciative of the time we do get to spend with him."

Again, all of this has shown to be true. Kellan has made his way both on and off the field. He is constantly looking for ways to be better, both at baseball and life. He has remained determined to reach his goals while  continuing to be a source of encouragement to those around him. He is a leader both for the university's student athletic leadership group as well as within the baseball program. He has been able to contribute to the success of his team more and more each year by remaining positive and coachable. Academically he is on track to graduate with his bachelors degree a semester early and start on a post-graduate degree in the spring. He is well on his way to the future he has planned and worked hard for. 

In St. Louis this summer.

The journey from then to now was not always been smooth. There were challenges along the way, some that we expected, others that surprised us all. We have all adjusted in our own way and time frame. 

And now, a full quarter into their senior year, we are fully aware of the activity and emotion the next few months will bring. We welcome it, all of it. We will treasure the memories made and the time we share. Embracing the change, pushing away the fear and choosing the see the joy in every step of this journey. We are excited and look forward to what is next for each of them, and for us as a family.  

Snow Plow Parents

By no means do I pretend to be a parenting expert, but I have had the unique opportunity to observe a variety of parenting styles from two perspectives. First as a parent and secondly as a school secretary. In both settings I have seen the helicopters, drill sergeants, and consultants that I read about years ago in Parenting With Love and Logic. I have encountered Tiger Mothers, Queens Bees,  Masterminds  and pushovers. Truth be told I have recognized a few of these in myself during my 20 plus years as a mom.

Recently I have seen a new type of parent emerging. I have coined them "Snow Plow Parents". These parents work hard to clear a path for their children free of anything that could cause them any hardship or disappointment.  This usually includes all aspects of their lives from schoolwork and grades, extra curricular activities and sports to even their relationships with friends, classmates and teachers.  All of these parents love their children and believe they are doing the right thing. They mean well and desire to prepare their children for success in the future, when in reality they may be doing just the opposite.

No parent likes to see a child fail, make mistakes or experience disappointment, especially at the hands of someone else. However, these experiences teach communication skills, perseverance, resilience and grit, all of which in my opinion are an essential part of growth and a well-rounded life experience.

We've had many situations over the years where it would have been easy for us to intervene hoping too fix a problem or change an outcome. The most recent occurred last year with an organization that we had been involved with for many years. Owen was given the opportunity to meet with the leader of the program to discuss his plans moving forward. The conversation felt very "Dear John-ish", but lacked any clarity on the future. After waiting nearly a week for a follow up call, we decided it would be best to go another direction. We didn't call and plead, make demands or even ask for an explanation. My husband just sent a text thanking them for everything they had done for our son's over the past 6 years.

Owen was very much involved in making that decision. A lot of time was spent discussing the pros and cons of the situation with him.  Strong relationships had been formed with many families in this group and he was proud to be a part of the program, so making the decision to leave was not easy.



Although this experience was painful, we are thankful it happened. It gave us a chance to help Owen navigate through adversity and become more confident and mature in the process. We do wish he would have gotten the follow up phone call we were told he would receive.  Not receiving that call robbed him of an additional chance to grow and learn through a tough situation.

With all of that being said, Owen has moved forward and is in a great place now. This disappointment has brought him opportunities that he may not have had otherwise and we are excited to see where they may lead him.

What we've learned from this situation is this......life is hard, our kids are going to have struggles, they are going to be disappointed and get their feelings hurt. Adversity is inevitable in life and what they need from us are the skills and confidence to deal with it when comes.  They need to fail, they need to own their mistakes, they need to find their own way and we need to let them.

Redefining What It Means To Be Productive

Working for a school district, I get big blocks of time off several times through out the year.  Spring break, Thanksgiving, Christmas and about five weeks in the summer. I always have big plans to get a lot of things done during those times. My ambitions are high and my to-do lists are long. I tell myself that I should use this time to be productive.
 

Christmas Eve Church Service 2016

Yet here I sit, once again, at the end of my time off having gotten very few tasks completed. Generally I would be bothered by that. I would feel as if I had wasted an opportunity to get the house in better order, mop the floors, purge the boys closets, shred old paperwork or numerous other projects that always reappear on my lists. For some reason this time I am fine with it.

Christmas 2016

As I think about what I did do with my time I realized that I was productive. Maybe not in the way I had originally set out to be, but that's okay. I was able to do the job I love the most, mothering my boys. I shopped for them, cooked for them and did their laundry. I listened as they told me about the friends they were catching up with, how their rehearsals, workouts, hitting lessons and bullpen sessions were going. We spent time as a family, just the four of us. We saw the new Star Wars movie, toured the The Roasterie, had lunch downtown at The Brick KC and just hung out at home doing nothing. We enjoyed Christmas and New Years with family and friends, that are like family. We ate too much, stayed up late and slept in. Our time was well spent and we accomplished exactly what we were meant to accomplish.

Christmas 2006

I am not sure why all of the sudden my perspective has changed. What about this Christmas break redefined productivity for me? I think in part it has to be the stage we are in with our boys.  I have seen firsthand how quickly time passes and how precious the days are when we are together.


Tomorrow Owen heads back to finish out his Junior year, filled with choir events,  musicals, baseball and a trip to Washington D.C.  Kellan will return to college this weekend to start preparing for baseball season, new classes and an internship this summer.  We all will resume our schedules and maintain our commitments, picking up where we left off  just like we have at the end of each short reprieve. This time however, I will return with a different set of goals for the next time we have a chunk of time to fill. I will realign my priorities so that I am less concerned about getting my chores done and more focused on the memories that could be made. The to-do lists will always be there, the chance to spend time with the people I care about most may not be,