Siblings...The Love - Hate Relationship Most of Us Wouldn't Change For The World!

 Siblings. Most people have at least one, inherited some by marriage or created some. It's been well documented that these relationships can be some of the most satisfying and beneficial or the most painful and destructive. Authors have become millionaires writing books on sibling rivalry. It is a dynamic topic full of questions. How can it be managed, how can it be avoided and maybe for some, how can it be accepted.

My twin sister Pam and I. 

I am a twin, so I have always been and always had a sibling. At the time my sister and I were born multiple births were not very common. We were one of a handful twins in our area.  Our mom did not have the benefit of blogs and on line chats, so she relied on her instincts and a small local Mothers of Twins support group.
From what I know about our early childhood it was very typical of most twins. We slept in the same crib, developed a language all our own and shared imaginary friends. However, it was obvious early on  that the two of us were very different. Our mom not only recognized this, but celebrated it. I was very quiet and cautious, my sister was more outgoing and adventurous. Although others compared us, our mom never did. We were never forced to dress a like, do the same things or spend time with the same people. I believe this helped us to develop individually and kept competition low.

The three of us in Chicago

We were five years old when our younger sister was born. Some may of expected us to fall victim to the "two's company and three's a crowd" attitude, but that was not the case. We were old enough to be excited, and treated her like our live baby doll.  Don't get me wrong, we've had our spats over the years, but we have worked hard to resolve them. I remember more than once as young girls sitting on the couch holding hands because we were not getting along. We had to sit there until we were ready to be nice to each other again. Not an easy thing to do, but it forced us to move past the issue and not keep grudges. I believe that has followed us into our adulthood.

As for my inherited siblings, I have three brothers-in-law. Both of them are good hard working guys that love their families. I have one sister in law that I love and appreciate so much. I consider one of my best friends. From the first time I met her almost 30 years ago, she has always made me feel included in the family. We all have our differences, but we respect each other and get along well.

I love this picture of them just chatting on the bench!

As parents we have been intentional with our sons' relationship. We have never allowed them to treat each other poorly. They have always gone to games, concerts and other events in support of one another. We have been very protective of not only time spent as a family, but of time they spend together without us. I think it is paying off. They are close friends despite having very different personalities. We have tried to celebrate those differences as well as their commonalities. We have done our best to give their relationship a good foundation that they can build on.

The truth is, family dynamics can be tricky. It is impossible to avoid conflict, misunderstanding and hurt feelings completely. My family is no exception. Although we may share a lot of similarities, each of us are very different and that at times can result in friction. But, I believe if we focus on the positive ways our differences add to our  families we are able to appreciate each other more. We can have more reasonable expectations for each other, show more grace and forgiveness as need and ultimately have a whole lot more fun!