For the most part this trait has served me well. I have secured and held jobs, paid my bills on time, scheduled and kept appointments, planned trips, made good on commitments and helped raise two fine young men. All of which have required some part of the skill set listed above. However, over the years I have come to understand that my affinity for regimentation has its draw backs as well.
- It takes away the opportunity for spontaneity. I should relax and learn how to let things happen, not worry about every detail. No doubt I have missed the joy, beauty, fun, and great conversations in many experiences. Instead of enjoying what is right in front of me, I always seem to be looking ahead. A person can miss a lot that way.
- It creates unrealistic expectations. When you are a planner to the extent that I tend to be, the expectations that are created often go unmet. The reasons for this are completely out of your control. It is impossible to predict how people are going to react or what conflicts they may have. When plans end up much different than what you had hoped for or don't happen at all, you're hurt and disappointment.You may even take it personally when in fact that wasn't the intent at all. It just didn't work out. Plain and simple
- This adds a lot of unneeded stress. I worry about things that in reality may not even be an issue. This unneeded worrying serves to stress out the people around me as well.
My family is much more successful at all of these things than I am. They have fun, take chances, act silly and worry very little. They are guys and sorry ladies, but they are just better this. I have tried to learn from each of them. My youngest son, Owen lives life to the fullest. He thrives on spontaneity. He loves to be around people and wrings as much fun out of any experience as possible. Kellan, my oldest, is an eternal optimist. He seeks out the best parts of any and all situations he is in. If his expectations aren't met he will adjust them. Not to settle, but to keep a healthy perspective. And my husband is Mr. Calm, Cool and Collected. He seldom gets worked up or stressed out about much. They all do their best to keep me in check and to loosen me up now and then.
Realistically, I don't think I could ever eliminate my need for order, planning and predictability, nor do I think I should. My goal is to find a balance. I need to put down my calendar, be flexible and
stop looking so far ahead that I miss out on what's happening right now.
