What Are Your Words Saying To Those Around You?

Growing up as a very quiet and shy person, conversations were difficult for me. I was perfectly content to let my twin sister do the talking for both of us. We even developed our own language that not even our mother understood. In first grade we were placed in separate classes. Up to that time I didn't need to be comfortable speaking to people, my sister was always with me. The adjustment of being on my own in school was not an easy, but I needed it to happen. I learned to manage, but confidence in my communication skills were slow to come.

Since spoken words were hard, I realized at a young age how powerful and useful written words could be. Great quotes, touching essays and well written song lyrics intrigued me. In high school I began writing poetry. I wrote about my life and the people in it. I wrote letters too, most of which were never mailed. Even if I was the only one who read them, they were a form of communication for me. I still have a notebook full of these in a box in my basement.  They were my solace, my therapy and as strange as this may sound, my company. I found that writing was an easier way for me to express my thoughts and feelings than having a conversation with someone.

To meet me now, most people would never know that I once had difficulty talking to people. I've worked in fields that require a considerable amount of contact with the public and for some reason conversations in those settings have never been an issue for me.  One-on-one chats, especially with someone I don't know or speaking in front of a small crowd was completely different.  Even though outwardly I appeared calm, inside, my heart would race and at times I would get a little light headed. It sounds a bit crazy, but that was my experience for a long time. Thankfully I have been able to work through those issues. I now accept that apprehension as normal and I truly enjoy conversation.

Over the past few years, I have gone back to the familiar outlet of writing. I have been reminded on a larger scale how impactful words can be through feedback I've received from readers of my blog and articles. In today's climate negative words run rampant, on social media, in the news and sadly even in our homes and schools. Conversations turn to confrontations far too often and we have forgotten how to agree to disagree in a loving way. It is my hope that my words will do the contrary.

I want the mother reading my blog to gain strength and know someone else relates to her situation. For my boys, I want what I say to them to combat the critical  judgment of the outside world. I hope that without a doubt they know they are loved unconditionally regardless of the opinions of others. To my husband I want him to hear that he is appreciated and valued, not for what he does or doesn't, but simply for the man he is. At work, I will strive to turn a family's bad morning into a better day with a smile and kind word. My desire is for my words to be a source of encouragement and positivity in all aspects of my life. This is, of course, easier said that done and will take intentionality on my part, but nonetheless a worthwhile goal to set for today and in the new year.

Our Junior Year

Every year since I started this blog I have written a post at the beginning of the school year.  The first as Kellan left for college and Owen started high school. This was one of the biggest transitions our family has ever made, and it was difficult. The second seemed more familiar, not quiet comfortable yet, but easier than the year before. Now for the third time we find ourselves here once again.

Kellan spent the summer at home, opting not to play any baseball. Instead he returned to his job with the parks department and worked out with a trainer improving his speed and agility.  Owen on the other hand played a lot of baseball, traveling almost every weekend. Despite the busy schedules, we managed to spend a lot of time as a family, including a week long tournament in Nashville. We did not take that time for granted.

Our family at the Grand Ole'Opry

We loved having everyone home for the summer, but as the time approached for school to start I was concerned that I would return to place emotionally that I had been the two years prior. Surprisingly that was not the case.

First Day of School for Kellan

Kellan and his roommates kept their apartment over the summer.  This allowed him to make several trips back to school, each time bringing a load of his things and sometimes spending a night or the weekend. Because of this I feel the process of him "moving out" was more gradual and easier to deal with, for me at least. By the time he was ready to go back to stay, he packed his car with the few things he still needed to take and drove off by himself. There was still a sense of sadness, but not to the same degree as in the years before.

First Day of School for Owen

 Owen also drove to school alone this year. He became a full fledged driver over the summer, making our position as his chauffeur obsolete.  He has enjoyed the freedom of getting to and from school, rehearsals, practices and going places with friends on his own.  It has been nice for us too, but as crazy as it may sound, I miss it. Not the driving, but the conversations, the music and singing, the stops at Q.T. and the time spent with him. His new found independence has given Tim and I a glimpse into what life might be like with an empty nest. We have been impressed by the maturity he has shown, not only behind the wheel, but in the classroom as well. 

Now several weeks into our "Junior" year we have settled in nicely. New schedules are becoming routine and overall the readjustment has been relatively uneventful. We have established that we can do this. We can remain close while being apart from one another and there is comfort in knowing that.

This year will be a full one. We're expecting healthy doses of change, challenge, adventure, opportunity, busyness and quiet. We are ready for all of it. We look forward to the memories we will make and the growth that will take place in each of us.

I am a Missionary... and so are you!

What is a missionary? According to Google, it is a person sent on a religious mission, especially one to promote Christianity in a foreign country. I think most people would agree with that definition. These individuals give their time, talent and resources to serve communities. With their help, homes and schools are built, clean water is made accessible, children are taught English and the Gospel.

A lot of emphasis gets placed on these kind of trips and rightfully so. The needs are great and the experiences can be life changing. I can understand the appeal and the benefits are undeniable, but when the focus becomes so driven towards one type of mission, opportunities closer to home can be easily overlooked.

The church we attended for many years had strong ties to several non profit groups, all offering opportunities to travel to the countries they supported.  It was strongly recommend that everyone pick one of them and go. While I appreciate this idea and have prayed for and even helped sponsor others on their journeys, personally I knew it was not for me. I admit this caused me to wonder could I ever really be a missionary?

Luckily I found my answer in a Bible study my husband and I were a part of. It focused on finding a personal mission field. I had never heard this idea before and I loved it. What I discovered was not only did I have a mission field, I had several. My family, the school I work in and other moms of boys are all mission fields for me. I realized that the passions, skill set, personality and nature that God has placed in me fit these areas, therefore I can be effective.

The reality is, we are all missionaries with mission fields all around us. The places we live, work, study and spend our spare time are all full of opportunities to live life like a missionary. Sometimes you don't even need a passport to do it, just a change of attitude and a commitment to be more intentional on a daily basis.

Identity- Who you are is enough.

Working in a school, the end of the year is a natural time to reset and look forward to what is next. This can be exciting, but as we all know beginnings eventually turn into endings and endings can be difficult.

This May like many before, I watched students leave elementary school, a place where they have been nurtured and known. In the fall they will enter middle school, unsure of what to expect and unfamiliar to the majority of people around them. I also saw many young people graduate from both high school and college with high hopes and great enthusiasm for their futures, even with uncertainty ahead.

But as I prepared to leave school for the summer this year, it was different. Three longtime employees of our district packed their things and walk out the door for the last time. Each of them leaving for different reasons, they either want to, need to, or feel like the time is right. They all have spent decades serving our students in their positions and this will be a huge change for them, especially when August rolls around.

As they came to my desk to turn in their keys and ID badge, I realized that for them these things served more than a practical purpose. They had been part of who they where, their identity, for a large portion of their adult lives.

I think this is true for many of us. We find our identity in different ways.  Most of us if asked, could come up with a list of what we believe makes us who we are. Included most likely would be, what we do, where we live and how we spend our time and money.  We may also add talents or qualities that describe the way we see ourselves or how we are thought of by others.

I recall a conversation I had with my oldest son shortly after he left for college. Although he had gone to a large high school he had found his place there. He was an athlete, an academic and a leader. He was known, well liked and people cared about him. He had an identity. When he got to college he quickly realized that nothing he did or who he was in high school mattered very much. No one knew him so he was starting over.

Most people have been in similar situations, a new school, new home, new job or a number of other scenarios. Change like this provokes a combination of emotions. I found this to be just as true for my son as it was for my coworkers.

We live in a society that at times rewards what we do far more than who we are. Traits like character, kindness and generosity are often overlooked. We often define success based on external things and we feel the need to find our value in what can be easily seen. We think if we build a nice career and healthy bank account we will gain the admiration of those around us and life will be good. That may be true for a time, but I think it is important to think about who we are without any of that.

It has taken me a while, but I have come to believe my true identity can be found, for the most part, in two things. First, how I connect with people, am I a present and intentional parent, a good friend, do I have a strong marriage and do I treat others with love and respect? These things matter and can be accomplished regardless of age, occupation, locale or financial status.  Secondly, my faith in God. I believe that I am here in this place, at this time, with my skill set for a specific purpose. When I focus on both of these, I find it harder to be fooled into thinking I need anything else.

My hope for the students moving on to the next level, the college graduates and my newly retired coworkers, is that they will look at themselves from the inside out. That they would see that who they are apart from anything external is enough and worthy of celebrating.

Siblings...The Love - Hate Relationship Most of Us Wouldn't Change For The World!

 Siblings. Most people have at least one, inherited some by marriage or created some. It's been well documented that these relationships can be some of the most satisfying and beneficial or the most painful and destructive. Authors have become millionaires writing books on sibling rivalry. It is a dynamic topic full of questions. How can it be managed, how can it be avoided and maybe for some, how can it be accepted.

My twin sister Pam and I. 

I am a twin, so I have always been and always had a sibling. At the time my sister and I were born multiple births were not very common. We were one of a handful twins in our area.  Our mom did not have the benefit of blogs and on line chats, so she relied on her instincts and a small local Mothers of Twins support group.
From what I know about our early childhood it was very typical of most twins. We slept in the same crib, developed a language all our own and shared imaginary friends. However, it was obvious early on  that the two of us were very different. Our mom not only recognized this, but celebrated it. I was very quiet and cautious, my sister was more outgoing and adventurous. Although others compared us, our mom never did. We were never forced to dress a like, do the same things or spend time with the same people. I believe this helped us to develop individually and kept competition low.

The three of us in Chicago

We were five years old when our younger sister was born. Some may of expected us to fall victim to the "two's company and three's a crowd" attitude, but that was not the case. We were old enough to be excited, and treated her like our live baby doll.  Don't get me wrong, we've had our spats over the years, but we have worked hard to resolve them. I remember more than once as young girls sitting on the couch holding hands because we were not getting along. We had to sit there until we were ready to be nice to each other again. Not an easy thing to do, but it forced us to move past the issue and not keep grudges. I believe that has followed us into our adulthood.

As for my inherited siblings, I have three brothers-in-law. Both of them are good hard working guys that love their families. I have one sister in law that I love and appreciate so much. I consider one of my best friends. From the first time I met her almost 30 years ago, she has always made me feel included in the family. We all have our differences, but we respect each other and get along well.

I love this picture of them just chatting on the bench!

As parents we have been intentional with our sons' relationship. We have never allowed them to treat each other poorly. They have always gone to games, concerts and other events in support of one another. We have been very protective of not only time spent as a family, but of time they spend together without us. I think it is paying off. They are close friends despite having very different personalities. We have tried to celebrate those differences as well as their commonalities. We have done our best to give their relationship a good foundation that they can build on.

The truth is, family dynamics can be tricky. It is impossible to avoid conflict, misunderstanding and hurt feelings completely. My family is no exception. Although we may share a lot of similarities, each of us are very different and that at times can result in friction. But, I believe if we focus on the positive ways our differences add to our  families we are able to appreciate each other more. We can have more reasonable expectations for each other, show more grace and forgiveness as need and ultimately have a whole lot more fun!

A Reoccurring Theme...

Has there ever been a certain theme or thought that seems to show up in a variety of places and genres?  I recently wrote a blog about my need for order and control, managing expectations, and enjoying what IS, instead of planning how I want it to be. Since then I have noticed quotes on Facebook, post on other blogs, and devotionals all with similar subject matter. These have encouraged me as I strive to improve my approach to the unpredictability life brings.

It's funny how this happens. I believe these things would be there regardless, I just wouldn't have noticed them in the same way. Similar to sitting in church thinking the pastor wrote the sermon just for me. I think God knows when we are ready to receive wisdom, encouragement and even correction. He chooses a variety of ways to get the point across. Here are just a few that had a impact on me, I hope you find them useful too.

Read this blog post from one of my all time favorite authors about expectations.
Katrina Kenison- Expectation

From Jesus Calling Devotional

From Facebook and blog Finding Joy

Facebook Post

First Born, Control Freak, Type "A" or All of the Above?

I am a person who likes life organized. I prefer order to chaos, planning ahead compared to last minute and predictability compared to surprise. I do not "fly by the seat of my pants" very well. Some would contribute this to birth order (I am technically the first born) or maybe type "A" personality. Others would say I'm just a control freak. I am not sure what it is, maybe it's all of the above.

For the most part this trait has served me well. I have secured and held jobs, paid my bills on time, scheduled and kept appointments, planned trips, made good on commitments and helped raise two fine young men. All of which have required some part of the skill set listed above. However, over the years I have come to understand that my affinity for regimentation has its draw backs as well.

•  It takes away the opportunity for spontaneity. I should relax and learn how to let things happen, not worry about every detail. No doubt I have missed the joy, beauty, fun, and great conversations in many experiences.  Instead of enjoying what is right in front of me, I always seem to be looking ahead. A person can miss a lot that way.

• It creates unrealistic expectations. When you are a planner to the extent that I tend to be, the expectations that are created often go unmet. The reasons for this are completely out of your control. It is impossible to predict how people are going to react or what conflicts they may have. When plans end up much different than what you had hoped for or don't happen at all, you're hurt and disappointment.You may even take it personally when in fact that wasn't the intent at all. It just didn't work out. Plain and simple

• This adds a lot of unneeded stress. I worry about things that in reality may not even be an issue. This unneeded worrying serves to stress out the people around me as well.

My family is much more successful at all of these things than I am.  They have fun, take chances, act silly and worry very little. They are guys and sorry ladies, but they are just better this. I have tried to learn from each of them. My youngest son, Owen lives life to the fullest. He thrives on spontaneity. He loves to be around people and wrings as much fun out of any experience as possible. Kellan, my oldest, is an eternal optimist. He seeks out the best parts of any and all situations he is in. If his expectations aren't met he will adjust them. Not to settle, but to keep a healthy perspective.  And my husband is Mr. Calm, Cool and Collected. He seldom gets worked up or stressed out about much. They all do their best to keep me in check and to loosen me up now and then.

Realistically,  I don't think I could ever eliminate my need for order, planning and predictability, nor do I think I should. My goal is to find a balance. I need to put down my calendar, be flexible and

stop looking so far ahead that I miss out on what's happening right now.

Valentine's Day Everyday

Flowers from my Valentine

Today is Valentine's Day, a holiday dating back the 496 A.D. when Pope Gelasius proclaimed February 14th St. Valentine's day. People world wide go on dates and exchange tokens of their love and affection.  It is estimated that 19.7 billion dollars will be spent on gifts in the United States alone this year. That is a lot of flowers and chocolates.

Now don't get me wrong, I think Valentine's Day can be fun, but I also see where for some it may be a source of stress. There can be a lot of pressure to pick the right card, gift or place for dinner, especially now with the invention of social media. Comparisons are bound to happen.

Like most people, especially us girls, I appreciate gifts and think flowers are sweet, I received some today in fact. But I never want to allow my expectations of this one day to over shadow what happens on the other 364.


For me the little things that happen on a daily basis  mean more than any orchestrated holiday. Wether that is coming home to a clean kitchen because my husband took care of the dishes over his lunch hour, a text from my college son saying "love you Mom",  or "thanks for making me dinner" from my youngest son. Most of the time it is something totally unexpected. They each have their own way of showing me that I am loved and appreciated.  It is not up to me to decide how they do that. It is up to me to recognize and receive it

We have built a life that I am proud of, based on friendship, humor, communication, faith, love, mutual respect and common goals. All gifts that didn't cost a cent. We work at it. It has not always been easy, but it has been worth it.  I am a lucky girl to get to share this life with three of the best fellas I know.

So today as I think about the meaning of Valentine's Day, I realize that if I look hard enough, have the right attitude and manage my expectations, I can have a little bit of Valentine's Day every day of the year.

Hard work beats talent...When talent doesn't work hard.

Kellan on his first team the Dragons

Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard. This is a phrase used around baseball to motivate even the best players to keep improving. It reminds those players that skill is not always enough and that if someone else is willing to work harder they may pass you by.

This has definitely been the case for our oldest son, Kellan.

High School Ball

Growing up he participated in a variety of sports, soccer, basketball, flag football and baseball. Although he found a certain level of success in all of them, at times it was apparent his athletic ability was not equal to some of his peers. But,while he was seldom the best player on the team, he always made the best of every team.

Around the 4th grade Kellan gave up playing other sports in order to focus solely on baseball. Knowing that he had not been blessed with the strength or speed of his teammates he quickly learned to play to his strengths. He was smart, he knew the game. He was a good teammate, a hard worker and he could throw a baseball left handed. He loved baseball and set a goal to play at the college level.

Throughout the course of his development he encountered some negativity from players, parents and coaches. Some doubted his ability and drive to reach his goal. He used that as fuel to work harder and prove them wrong.

Signing Day

Most people however were encouraging towards him. He had great coaching through his summer team Building Champions Baseball Academy. They believed in him and gave him sound advice. He had a very knowledgeable pitching coach Andy Shipman who taught him not just to throw the baseball, but how to pitch. He developed a relationship with the guys at CrossFit Olathe. They mentored him and helped build strength in healthy ways.  His current college coaches who saw his potential and are willing to allow him time to develop even further. And there are countless others that have poured into Kellan and have been a part of his journey in one way or another.

But the truth is, without Kellan's determination to reach his goal, none of these people or opportunities would have mattered. He worked hard inside the classroom and on the field. He made sacrifices with his time, his social life, and his diet to name a few. He remained coachable, always learning. He's stayed humble and respects the game.

Go Griffons!

 In a couple weeks of the Griffons will open their season. And after red shirting last year, our son will officially join his team on the field for the first time. He will have reached his goal, but he's not finished. He continues to stay focused, put in the work and get better everyday. We are extremely proud of him and can't wait to support him from the stands.